


Prove It

by DRHPaints



Category: Bill Hader - Fandom, Bill Hader RPF, John Mulaney - Fandom, John Mulaney RPF, Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF, US Comedians RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Blow Jobs, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Face-Fucking, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Office Sex, One Shot, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:29:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26872969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Bill enjoys writing sketches with John, but after a while he grows frustrated by the fact that John repeatedly casts him as gay characters who are, well...bottoms. Considering himself a hard top, Bill confronts John, and when he laughs in his face, Bill thoroughly proves him wrong.
Relationships: Bill Hader/John Mulaney
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Prove It

After a few years of working together at  _ Saturday Night Live _ , Bill enjoyed his friendship with John immensely. They would often write two to three sketches a week, giggling uncontrollably in John’s cramped office into the late hours as the sleep deprivation made them both irrational and silly. Whether it be Stefon or The Kissing Family, Bill loved their creations.

There was just one small problem. Bill noticed, as time went on, that nearly every character John manufactured for him was gay. Not straight himself, Bill didn’t have an issue with that, per se, but the gay men he was portraying were...bottoms. Without fail, John would draw up someone for Bill to inhabit and they would be swishy, effeminate, lisping nellies. And it was starting to impede on Bill’s personal life.

Not one to go to clubs often, the last time he did, a burly bear of a man strode up to him, pinching Bill’s barely existent ass without asking before trying to take him home. When Bill politely declined, he uttered the phrase, “Oh c’mon baby, everyone knows you like to get pounded hard.”

Gritting his teeth, Bill figured it wasn’t worth explaining to this rude stranger that he was, in fact, a top, and chose instead to pay his tab and leave. As he did so, Bill caught the eyes of several other men, all of whom looked at him as though he were fresh chum tossed into the water, and Bill swallowed his chagrin as he went home alone.

Finally, after John presented him with probably the most femme queen yet, a fireman screeching about his ex ‘girlfriend’ dating one of his coworkers, Bill decided he couldn’t take it anymore. Knocking on his doorframe, John turned in his chair. “Hey Bill.” Smile spreading, John’s cheeks crinkled despite his tender years and he blinked up at Bill.

“Hey buddy.” Taking half a step in, Bill chewed on his thumb. “You got a minute?” 

“Sure.” John stood up to retrieve some papers from his printer. “What’s up?”

Bill held the script aloft. “Well, I wanted to talk to you about this firehouse sketch.”

Tilting his head, John folded his lip under. “Oh yeah? What about it?”

“Well, it’s just…” Bill pulled a face, hands grasping in the air for the words. “Well, you know I don’t mind playing gay characters.”

Eyebrow ticking up, a smirk played over John’s lips. “Obviously.” As two of the low-key queers on staff, they wedged LGBT content into the show for years as best they could and it was part of the reason why they initially gravitated toward one another.

“Yeah, but…” Clearing his throat, Bill looked down at the script and tapped it with one large hand. “Why...why do they all have to be such…” Bill winced. “Bottoms?”

John crossed his arms, blinking. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Bill shrugged. “I’m a top, so…” Bursting out laughing, John doubled over, hand to his stomach. Narrowing his eyes, Bill tilted his head. “What’s funny?”

“Yeah.  _ Right _ .” John rolled his eyes, then touching his forefinger to his thumb, held up the gesture and said, “ _ Okay _ , Bill.”

Furrowing his brow, Bill crossed his arms. “What? I am.”

Tipping his chin down, John peered up at him through his eyelashes. “Honey,  _ please.” _

“John, I…” Bill took a step forward, throwing up his hands in exasperation and shaking his head. “How can you not believe me? I’m a top!”

“ _ Surrreee _ .” Paging through his papers, John chuckled to himself as he leaned against the wall, eyes trailing down the text as he casually examined for edits. John didn’t notice the vein throbbing in Bill’s forehead, didn’t notice his fingers balling into fists, and he certainly didn’t notice Bill advancing on him until he slapped the pages out of his hands, snatching John’s sharp chin and pushing him bodily into the wall.

“Oh you don’t fucking believe me, huh?” Stormy blue eyes wide, the left one twitched as Bill’s nose flared before him and he growled through gritted teeth, voice deep and dangerous. John never witnessed Bill’s anger before. Annoyance, of course. Irritation, sometimes. But Bill was an amiable man and polite to a fault, similar to John in that he would often allow others to push him around when he should’ve stood up for himself.

But now, every muscle in Bill’s sharp jawline flickered warningly as he rested his weight against John, forcing him back. “You want me to prove it to you? Huh? You little fucking twink? Is that what you want?” Shaking John’s face, droplets of spit flew from Bill’s mouth in his fury as he glowered down into his cerulean eyes.

Swallowing, John was unable to nod in his restricted position, so he tipped his hips forward. “ _ Yes.” _

__ Mashing their lips together, Bill hooked a hand under John’s thigh, lifting his leg over his waist and shoving in between his legs. Erection thickening beneath his jeans, he rotated his hips into John, grinding hard and sliding him up and down the wall. 

Breaking away, Bill’s wide palm smushed John’s face to the side, teeth sinking into the spot where his neck joined his shoulder and John gasped in delight. Hastily undoing John’s zipper and creeping inside to wildly tug his substantial cock, Bill’s breath was warm and ticklish against his ear. “This is what you wanted. Isn’t it, John?” Thrusting harder, the friction of their denim was delicious and John dragged his lips over Bill’s crisp jawline. 

“Yes, Bill! Yes! I want you so badly!” John gasped, clawing at his expansive shoulders and rutting against Bill’s swiveling hips.

“Oh yeah? You want me to fuck you? Huh? Is that what you want, John?” Voice ragged with desire, Bill yanked John’s cock feverishly, the sensation of his agile fingers making it difficult for John to form cohesive sentences.

“ _ Yes! Bill! Please! Fuck me! _ ”

A deep chuckle rumbled up from Bill’s chest as he nipped at John’s ear, worrying it like a feral animal. “And what makes you think you deserve my cock, John? You laughed at me, didn’t you?  _ Didn’t you?!”  _ Bill roared, and in some distant part of his brain, John could only imagine what his coworkers were thinking, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as Bill’s mouth, his hands, his essence had John entranced.

“I’m sorry, Bill.  _ Please… _ ” Hearing himself whine, John was beyond pride as Bill’s thumb circled the head of his cock. “Just fuck me.”

Pulling back, Bill rested his forehead against John’s. “That pretty mouth sure talks a lot, John…” Dipping in, he captured John’s lips in a surprisingly tender kiss, providing gentle pressure, his tongue sneaking past John’s teeth for the briefest of moments before rapidly retracting. “But if you want me to fuck you, I think you’re going to have to use it to suck me first. And if you’re good enough…” Bill’s face wove before him, shark-like, before striking forward and catching John’s lower lip between his rounded teeth, stretching it out and releasing it with a sneer. “Then maybe…” A large hand squeezed John’s ass and a shiver crawled over his skin as he dug his fingers into Bill’s shirt.

“Yes. Fuck. Let me suck you. Please, Bill.  _ Please.”  _ Tearing down Bill’s collar in his frustration, he got a peek at his dark chest hair and a slow, sexy smirk spread over Bill’s pink lips as he dropped John’s leg and placed a hand on top of his head. 

Pushing as John dropped to his knees, Bill stared down at him, undoing his belt and clenching his jaw before unearthing his massive cock. Brushing the head to John’s parting, panting lips, Bill’s prominent dark eyebrow ticked up in amusement. “Open your goddamn mouth.”

Acquiescing, Bill placed a hand behind John’s head before surging forward, burrowing himself to the hilt with a deep, guttural groan and massaging his fingers into John’s scalp. “Oh John... _ fuck.” _

Sticking out his tongue to avoid gagging, John did his best to hollow his cheeks and suck as Bill began pummeling his face. Strings of saliva hung from the corners of John’s lips as he heard Bill’s shallow breathing above him, big hands holding his head steady as he sought the warm wetness of John’s throat.

“ _ Oh John...yes! Yes! Fuck, your mouth! Yes! _ ” Bending his knees a little, Bill swirled his hips in an effort to sense every slippery inner surface of John as whimpers tumbled from his lips and he rested his forehead to the wall, fingers firmly gripping John’s scalp before he raised a fist, pounding in frustration.

“ _ No… _ ” Bill gasped, mostly to himself as he stilled the progress of his body. “I’m going to fuck you, John.” Stepping back, he unceremoniously pulled his cock from John’s mouth and he pitched forward unexpectedly before wiping his lips with a slender hand. “Get up.”

Rising, John used the collar of his short to dab his eyes and looked at Bill’s flushed, angered face. “Take off your clothes.” Bill demanded, chest heaving. 

Nodding, John locked into Bill’s oceanic eyes as he peeled his shirt overhead, casting it aside before shrugging out of his jeans and boxer briefs. Bill scanned him for a moment, soaking in John’s narrow chest barely dabbled with dark hair, lanky limbs, his long cock, almost purple with strain, tip glistening with precum.

Bill began to remove his clothes, and had John not been strung incomparably tight with desire, he might’ve laughed at the expression on his face. Sporting a knowing smirk, a smirk that said Bill was keenly aware how many times John pictured this moment, he tossed John a wink after taking off his shirt to reveal his firm chest and smattering of hair, pants and boxers pooling at his feet. John blinked in surprise at his exceptionally shapely legs, eyes widening at the sight of his heavy cock as Bill scooped up his jeans, rifling in the back pocket and retrieving a condom.

Placing it between his teeth, he approached John. Never face to face with a wild creature before, John imagined it was something quite like this as Bill stepped toward him, head down, eyes dark and hungry, nose flared and fingers splayed like talons before they clamped around his hips.

Rolling into him, their raw cocks brushed together and John let out a soft moan before Bill hooked his sizable hands under his thighs. “Hop up.” He spoke around the tiny package gripped in his teeth, and John draped his arms over his vast shoulders, leaping and wrapping his lithe legs around Bill’s waist.

Bracing an arm under John’s ass, he marveled at Bill’s strength as he grasped behind his knee, hoisting John’s leg over his broad shoulder while making his eyebrows dance and smiling wickedly. When he went to do the same on the other side, John adjusted his hold behind Bill’s head, breath catching in anticipation as Bill balanced him pretzel-like against the wall while he rolled the condom over himself and spit into his hand, smearing the saliva over his turgid cock and John’s entrance.

Wide head of his cock rubbing against John’s hole, Bill pecked his lips, voice soft and words hard. “You ready to get fucked?”

“Yes.” Playing with Bill’s silky hair, John nodded. “Fuck me, Bill.”

Tipping his hips forward, Bill rejoiced in the distortion of John’s features as he stretched him open. Sky blue eyes replaced by fluttering white, elegant mouth hanging open in a silent gasp as his neck arched and his hands scrambled. 

Once fully sheathed, Bill held firm, linking lips. One arm holding John aloft, the other cupped his carved cheek as he delicately parted his mouth, tongues dancing as he hummed contentedly, tasting John, exploring him, before parting and staring into eyes the color of the sea.

Smile blossoming on Bill’s pink lips, he pressed their foreheads together. “Who’s the bottom now, John?”

Chuckling, John trickled his fingers through Bill’s hair and he doubled his grip on John’s ass before retracting slightly, thrusting back inside and nodding in approval before shifting John’s weight to one arm, the other hand claiming his leaking cock.

Bill tugged in time with his movements, his pulsing strokes reminding John of the sound checks before the movies Bill always dragged him to, starting low and soft and tolerable and soon hammering his eardrums until John was stuck with an incessant ringing through the first film trailer. In the same way, it wasn’t long before Bill pounded into John, the advantageous angle at which he bent him allowing him to slam into his prostate with every drive. 

John crossed his shaking heels behind Bill’s head, grunting moans rattled from his skinny frame as Bill wildly yanked his cock, lips alternating between John’s mouth, his neck, his collarbone, wherever he could reach in his desperate attempt to devour him.

” _ Bill! Yes! Fuck me! Just like that! _ ” John cried, each syllable punctuated by Bill’s thundering cock.

“Mmm...yeah, you like the way I fuck you, John?” Bill breathed, wrist flashing over John’s erection with a fury as he sensed John’s body tighten around him. “Are you gonna cum for me? Are you gonna cum on my cock, John?”

Nails carving into the back of Bill’s neck, John fought to keep his eyes open, wanting to see Bill’s handsome face as he worked away inside of him, but the weight of his passion proved overwhelming. “ _ Yes, Bill! Fuck! I’m cumming! I’m cumming!” _

Face scrunching not unlike when he laughed, Bill couldn’t help but smile as John constricted around him, every wiry muscle straining before he tossed his head back with a low shriek, warm cum splattering over his chest and Bill’s knuckles before he blinked up at the ceiling, gulping air.

Lowering both of his hands to John’s ass, Bill barely moved inside of him as he leaned in to his face, lips millimeters apart. “Did I make you feel good, John?”

“Yeah.” Voice wavering, John nodded. “So good, Bill.”

Exhaling heavily, Bill met John’s lips and grinned. “Good. I love making you cum, John.”

Caressing Bill’s sculpted jaw, John knit their mouths together for a moment. “I want you to cum, Bill. Come on. Keep going.”

“Yeah?” Bill raised an eyebrow, nuzzling against John’s cheek.

John nodded, bringing his lips to Bill’s ear. “Yeah. Fuck me.  _ Cum for me, Bill. _ ”

Bill answered by rocketing his hips forward, face buried in the crook of John’s neck as he began to whimper. “ _ Oh John! Yeah! Fuck! Yeah! _ ”

A strong arm slithered up to cradle John’s head against him as Bill nailed him to the wall, struggling to keep his knees from buckling as his balls drew close to his body, mouth uncoordinated as he frantically kissed John’s salty skin. 

“ _ John! I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum! John! JOHN! _ ” Freezing, a whine tore from Bill’s chest, leaving him a shuddering, crumbling mess as his hips leapt and he attempted to keep John aloft.

Catching a breath, Bill lowered John’s legs one by one with trembling arms, withdrawing and throwing away the condom before taking John’s face in both hands. 

Fusing their lips, Bill and John's arms snuck around until they were holding one another close, heads swimming languidly back and forth as their tongues laced together before parting and grinning.

Polishing Bill’s sharp cheekbone with his thumb, Bill took John’s hand and flopped down on the couch, naked and exhausted. Taking the seat next to him, John picked sweaty dark strands off of Bill’s forehead, smiling.

“I’ve wanted to do that for such a long time.” John’s long fingers flowed over Bill’s chest,

“Me too.” Bill slid a hand up John’s gangly leg, giving his thigh a squeeze.

Chuckling, John traced Bill’s lower lip. “Guess I should’ve pissed you off earlier.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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